The woman who was jealous of herself 2 Ana

Ana

Saturday afternoon. In Magdalena’s house.    

Ana: And you say that he never even looked at you?

Magdalena: Not once.  If you asked him the colour of my eyes, he wouldn’t have a clue.  I don’t look as bad as all that, do I?  He never looked at me once!  He just stared down at his shoes and waited for inspiration!

Ana:            So that’s it then.  Mission accomplished!  Now you can forget about him!

Magdalena: Ah, there's the rub, Ana.  I don’t want to.  He’s got something if only I could dig it out of him. 

Ana:    But if he can't put two words together and never looks at you, give him up!

Magdalena:  No Ana. I think I know what this is!  He suffers from 'intellectualaphobia'!  That's it! 

Ana:  And what is 'intellectualaphobia'?

Magdalena:   That's when a man is afraid of a woman he thinks is cleverer than him. He just goes to pieces.  But, oddly enough, the same man is perfectly calm and relaxed with other women!

Ana: And you so you think James is not as clever as you?

Magdalena:  Yes, of course I do. 

Ana: Well, really!

Magdalena:  I have seen it in other men before. 

Ana:  Well, I think that is pompous and presumptuous.

Magdalena:  There is no point in false modesty, is there!  On the other hand...

Ana:  On the other hand...?

Magdalena:  I also have a suspicion that he is a far better person than I am.  Still, there we are.  We are what we are! 

Ana:  So you are not going to let him disappear into the night?

Magdalena.  Certainly not.  He has something.  There’s something there. And he’s not bad-looking at all.

Ana:  ‘Not bad-looking’!  That’s high praise coming from you!  I remember what you said about some of the others.  There was Lawrence about a year ago.  Do you remember Lawrence?  What was it you said about him?  ‘If he had a few more brains, he might be half-witted!’  So this James is ‘Not bad-looking’!  He must be another Cary Grant.  Did you know that Cary Grant came from here?  From Bristol?  Did you know that? Anyway, I am looking forward to meeting this new Cary Grant! 

Magdalena: Quiet a moment, Ana! Sometimes you talk too much!  Now, I must plan this campaign carefully.  For a start, you have to come on Friday.   James is sure to bring his friend, Henry, for moral support, so you can deal with him. 

Ana:  Deal with James?

Magdalena: No, deal with Henry of course. Sometimes, Ana, you are very slow!

Ana:  Ah, with Henry.  Thank you very much!  What do you mean, ‘Deal with him?’

Magdalena:  Talk to him, decoy him, keep his attention, engross him , occupy him , whatever you like to call it, so without Henry, James will be exposed to direct fire. Ah, Henry… James!  Henry James! This is becoming very literary!  It promises well!

Ana:  ‘…exposed to direct fire’. This is all becoming very military!  And I’m not sure it promises well at all!

Magdalena: Well, love is a campaign, isn’t it!  All is fair in love and war!  So that’s it then.  In fact, I’ll phone James now and make sure he asks Henry to come. ‘Henry James’, that’s good!

Next Friday evening.  At the Llandoger Trow, King Street.

Magdalena, James and Henry arrive together and find a table. The dining area is busy with the pleasant hubbub of working people beginning their Friday evening and determined to make the most of it.  Ana has not yet arrived.

James:         Right here we are then. The three of us! How pleasant.

Magdalena: There will be four of us actually.  I have asked Ana along.  She’s a friend of mine.

Henry:        Ah, that’s great.  The more the merrier!

Ana:  (Rushing in) Right, come on Magdalena.  Not a moment to lose!  You’ve got to come right now!  A crisis at work.  All the students in the Spanish department have gone on strike. (To James) You’d never believe the chaos!

James:         No, I don’t think I would.  Would you, Henry?

Henry:        I certainly wouldn’t!

Magdalena: Don’t worry!  It’s one of Ana’s little jokes! As if she would rush in and whisk me off when we're just getting to know each other.  That would be ridiculous, wouldn't it James!

James:    Oh yes. Ridiculous! Very!

Ana:  I always like to make a dramatic entrance.  Magdalena knows that!  Just imagine me rushing in and wanting her to leave you after five minutes.  That would be just crazy, wouldn’t it!

James:         Oh yes, I suppose it would.

Ana: (To Henry) No one would be so silly as to do that, would they!

Henry:        No, no, of course not!

James:         Could we change the subject? 

Magdalena: Perhaps it would be as well. 

Ana:            Now which of you is Henry and which is James?  I don’t want to make a mistake, do I? 

James:         I am James.  This is Henry.

Ana:            I thought it was the other way round.  Silly of me!

Magdalena: So there we are then. Now what are we going to eat?  I’m starving. I’m so glad I don’t have to rush to the university to deal with striking students, aren’t you James?

James:         Oh yes very glad.  I have been looking forward so much to this evening, haven’t I, Henry?

Henry:        Looking forward to what?

James:         To this evening and seeing Magdalena and Ana and you and having a beer…here…with all of you. All of us. All four. Together. Haven’t I?

Henry:        Oh yes.  I can’t remember anyone looking forward to anything so much.  You’ve been thinking about nothing else all day. Haven’t you James?

Magdalena: Don’t be silly.  (To James) I expect you have been thinking about your foundations!  Anyway what are we going to have to eat? Concentrate on what you have to do now.

Henry:        Yes, seize the opportunity.  What did Shakespeare say? 

‘There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the height, leads on to fortune.’

Magdalena:      Almost, Henry.  Almost, but not quite!

‘There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune.’

‘Flood’, not ‘height’ Henry!

Then it goes on.  

‘Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.’

You don’t want the voyage of your life to be ‘bound in shallows and in miseries’, do you James!

James:         Oh no!  Certainly not.  Hamlet is so right!

Magdalena: It’s not Hamlet.  It’s Brutus,.  In ‘Julius Caesar’.

James:         Oh really?

Magdalena: Act 4 scene 3.

James:         Oh right.  Very good.  Wait a minute! I have a DVD of ‘Julius Caesar’ at home.  The Stratford on Avon version.

Magdalena: Really?  I’ve been looking for that for ages! Could I borrow it?

James:         Well, of course. 

Magdalena: I’ll come round for it. Wednesday evening.  Is that OK?

James:         Well yes, I mean no. I don’t want to give you the trouble of coming round.  It’s very difficult to find my house. Everyone gets lost!

Magdalena: Do they?   Well, I’m sure I’ll manage.  And it’s no trouble at all.  So, what’s your address?

Henry: (Whispering, to Ana).  She’s got him now.  He’s lost!

Ana: (Smiling) Yes, I rather think he is. Let’s see what Wednesday brings!  Now, to more important things! What are we going to eat?