Johnson of London 17. Dinner at the Thrales. Part 1.
DINNER AT THE THRALES
A large and impressive table is set for dinner. Boswell enters reverently and walks round it, looking at the settings.
BOSWELL London again! Another year! Lord, I am past thirty. Well, we’re not exactly in London, but in Streatham. In the country. Yes, this is Streatham Place, the house of the Thrales. Henry and Esther Thrale, friends of Johnson. And at last, I, James Boswell, am invited to dine here.
(He runs over and picks up his name card and reads.)
'James Boswell'.
(Then he goes to the setting at the head of the table and picks up the name card there.)
‘Henry Thrale’. He’s a brewer. In fact, he owns the biggest brewery in London. He’s as rich as Croesus. He could buy up a dozen such as me.
(He walks round the table to the other end and reads the card.)
‘Hester’. That’s his wife. She has been a good friend to Johnson. She has taken him in, well, he even has his own room here in Streatham Place. She has looked after him and given him all the little luxuries of good living that he has been so long without. Well, he has never really had them. But it works both ways. You see, Hester Thrale provides her home and he brings himself and the cream of literary society (He pauses) and he brings me! Yes, Hester Thrale has brightened up this part of his life though I don’t like to admit it! No, oh no. James Boswell must not be pushed out of the place of honour in the Johnson story!
(He picks up a card and reads it.)
‘Bennet Langton’. Yes, Lanky is a fine man. He’s good-natured and a friend to everyone.
(He reads another card.) ‘Oliver Goldsmith’. So Goldy is coming. Now, who’s this?
(He picks up another name and reads.) ‘Sir Joshua Reynolds’.
(He continues around the table, looking at the cards.)
‘Edmund Burke’, ‘Topham Beauclerk’. Ah, ha! We are all here tonight! Notice I said ‘we’! All the clan!
(He picks up his own card and reads it importantly.)
‘James Boswell’! I think I look alright in this company, don’t you? I fit in on my own merits, don’t I?
(He addresses Sir Joshua’s chair.)
Don’t I, Sir Joshua? No? But I will. Just wait till I have written my life of Johnson. You won’t laugh so much then.
(He picks up the last card.)
And this must be ‘Dr Samuel… (The door flies open and Johnson comes in wheezing.) …Johnson’.
JOHNSON Oh those stairs, Bozzy. They’ll be the death of me. That’s the trouble with big houses. The stairs.
BOSWELL I was just seeing who is coming this evening.
JOHNSON And you are hiding yourself away here. That’s not like you at all. Now listen. Lanky and Beauclerk have sent to say that they cannot come. Sir Joshua is late and Burke is late and that is most unlike them. Goldsmith is never early but even he should be here by now. In short, this dinner is turning into a shambles.
(He shouts loudly.)
Mr Thrale, Sir.
(Henry Thrale enters. He is clearly the host but he good-naturedly lets Johnson do most of the talking.)
With your permission, Sir, we will begin.
(Hester Thrale enters hurriedly.)
HESTER THRALE Am I late?
JOHNSON Not at all, Madam. Good evening to you. But I was just saying to your husband that as everyone else is late, we might as well begin.
HESTER THRALE Of course, Sir.
(They sit around the table, leaving empty chairs for the guests who are still to arrive. As they are sorting out places, Johnson speaks to Mrs Thrale in his whisper, which resembles a shout.)
JOHNSON Look at Boswell. He is famished. He could eat an ox. They don’t feed him much in Scotland and so like a camel he fills himself up where he can. This is a real outing for him, you know. He’ll talk of nothing else for the next week!
BOSWELL It is a great pity that all your guests could not attend this evening, Madam. Now I cannot tell everyone that I dined at the Thrales with Burke, Reynolds and Goldsmith!
JOHNSON Forget yourself, Sir. Your sentences always start with ‘I’. You suffer from ‘Boswellitis’. Anyway, you can still say, ‘I was lucky enough to dine with Mr and Mrs Thrale and with Johnson.’ There’s nothing much wrong with that! We (looking at the Thrales) are the cream of the company! Or you could say…
HENRY THRALE (Receiving a note from the servant) Excuse me, Dr Johnson. A note from Reynolds. He regrets very much that he cannot come tonight.
JOHNSON Then remove his chair. I cannot abide empty chairs.
(Mr Thrale nods to a servant, who then takes away Reynolds’ chair.)
(Johnson turns to Boswell.)
Or you could say, ‘I was invited to dine at Streatham Park, the house of Mr and Mrs Thrale, with Reynolds, Burke and Goldsmith.’ They were invited even though they did not come! That would create the impression you are looking for. The impression is what counts today, I am afraid. People love to puff themselves up. In fact, Bozzy, you are often guilty of it yourself.
BOSWELL Well perhaps those with real ability never need to blow their own trumpet, I don’t know. But those with half a talent, or less, like me, we need to bombast a bit to cover up what is missing!
(He offers Johnson some wine.)
JOHNSON No, not tonight, Bozzy.
BOSWELL Oh, just a little, Sir.
JOHNSON (A little angry) I cannot take ‘just a little’ so I shall take none.
HESTER THRALE Are you against wine drinking then, Sir?
JOHNSON Not at all, Madam. Quite the contrary. Wine may do some evil, but it does a lot of good. It makes people friendlier to each other, and that is no bad thing. But for me abstinence is easier than temperance.
(While Johnson is speaking, the servant brings another note to Henry Thrale.)
HENRY THRALE Excuse me, Dr Johnson. A note from Burke. He regrets that he is held up in Parliament and doubts whether he will be able to come.
JOHNSON Then remove his chair. (The servant does so.) Today I will not drink, but I have drunk nobly in the past. I have drunk two bottles of port at a sitting. Go to Oxford and ask them at University College.
HENRY THRALE But do you approve of a man drinking on his own, Sir? Drinking is surely a social pastime.
JOHNSON I have often drunk on my own, and very often when I was young. At that time my own company was the worst I could have. (Cheering up) Give me your company, Bozzy, and yours, my good lady! Ha! Many men enjoy their best friendships when they are young, and then they finish old and lonely and irritable. But in my case I have kept the best wine until last! (The servant brings Henry Thrale another note.)
HENRY THRALE One moment, Dr Johnson. A note from Goldsmith.
JOHNSON Goldsmith! Since when has Goldsmith been in the habit of sending notes? He must be drinking with Reynolds and Burke, and he is copying them!
HENRY THRALE He hopes, he says, to be with us later.
BOSWELL Sir Joshua is no doubt putting the finishing touches to the portrait of some peer of the realm. Burke is probably at this moment embarking on one of the finest speeches ever delivered in the House of Commons.
JOHNSON (To Hester Thrale) You should hear a speech by Burke, Madam. It does one good to hear the English language used by someone who knows how to use it.
BOSWELL But Goldsmith! What can Goldsmith have to do?
JOHNSON (Angrily) When you have written as well as Oliver Goldsmith has, Sir, and when your works have given as much pleasure to people as his have done, and when you have lived through half the troubles that he has lived through, then you will have some right to talk on the subject. Oliver Goldsmith is a fine man.
(A servant brings in an enormous serving dish with a suckling pig with an apple in its mouth.)
JOHNSON Well, well. This a feast for the captains and the kings!
HESTER THRALE (Apologetically) We were to have been nine, you know.
(As the servant goes, Johnson shouts after him.)
JOHNSON Mr Goldsmith’s chair, if you please, Sir.
HESTER THRALE (To the servant) Could you take away this chair, please.
HENRY THRALE I was going into the brewery at Southwark this morning and I passed a group of beggars by the roadside. Three men and two women. I stopped and I gave them a few shillings. I did my day’s work and on my way back they were all sitting in the same spot and they were all drinking. As it was my beer they were enjoying, I said nothing. In fact, I gave them some more money. But the money they spent on my beer could have been better used.
JOHNSON Sir, you provide them with the temptation of drink and then criticise them for drinking. Why criticise a poor man who eases the pain of life with a pint of beer? You like your beer, Sir, and your life is easy. Imagine theirs. They have more right to a glass of beer to sweeten their miserable existence than you or I. Have the poor no right to any pleasures?
BOSWELL But it is wrong to spend so much on beer.
JOHNSON If you were poor, you would not talk of right or wrong. Morals are superfluous when you are battling for existence.
HESTER THRALE You are lenient, Sir.
JOHNSON I am practical, Madam.
(He looks defiantly at Boswell)
A decent provision for the poor is the true test of civilization. That is what the greatness of any country should be judged on; the life of its poor not the life of its rich.
(He turns to Boswell)
Don’t you agree, Bozzy?
BOSWELL (Hurriedly) Oh, yes, I do. Wholeheartedly.
JOHNSON Good. Now, can we be less extended? This is like talking to a meeting.
(They all stand and, moving their chairs, sit together at one end of the table.)
A large and impressive table is set for dinner. Boswell enters reverently and walks round it, looking at the settings.
BOSWELL London again! Another year! Lord, I am past thirty. Well, we’re not exactly in London, but in Streatham. In the country. Yes, this is Streatham Place, the house of the Thrales. Henry and Esther Thrale, friends of Johnson. And at last, I, James Boswell, am invited to dine here.
(He runs over and picks up his name card and reads.)
'James Boswell'.
(Then he goes to the setting at the head of the table and picks up the name card there.)
‘Henry Thrale’. He’s a brewer. In fact, he owns the biggest brewery in London. He’s as rich as Croesus. He could buy up a dozen such as me.
(He walks round the table to the other end and reads the card.)
‘Hester’. That’s his wife. She has been a good friend to Johnson. She has taken him in, well, he even has his own room here in Streatham Place. She has looked after him and given him all the little luxuries of good living that he has been so long without. Well, he has never really had them. But it works both ways. You see, Hester Thrale provides her home and he brings himself and the cream of literary society (He pauses) and he brings me! Yes, Hester Thrale has brightened up this part of his life though I don’t like to admit it! No, oh no. James Boswell must not be pushed out of the place of honour in the Johnson story!
(He picks up a card and reads it.)
‘Bennet Langton’. Yes, Lanky is a fine man. He’s good-natured and a friend to everyone.
(He reads another card.) ‘Oliver Goldsmith’. So Goldy is coming. Now, who’s this?
(He picks up another name and reads.) ‘Sir Joshua Reynolds’.
(He continues around the table, looking at the cards.)
‘Edmund Burke’, ‘Topham Beauclerk’. Ah, ha! We are all here tonight! Notice I said ‘we’! All the clan!
(He picks up his own card and reads it importantly.)
‘James Boswell’! I think I look alright in this company, don’t you? I fit in on my own merits, don’t I?
(He addresses Sir Joshua’s chair.)
Don’t I, Sir Joshua? No? But I will. Just wait till I have written my life of Johnson. You won’t laugh so much then.
(He picks up the last card.)
And this must be ‘Dr Samuel… (The door flies open and Johnson comes in wheezing.) …Johnson’.
JOHNSON Oh those stairs, Bozzy. They’ll be the death of me. That’s the trouble with big houses. The stairs.
BOSWELL I was just seeing who is coming this evening.
JOHNSON And you are hiding yourself away here. That’s not like you at all. Now listen. Lanky and Beauclerk have sent to say that they cannot come. Sir Joshua is late and Burke is late and that is most unlike them. Goldsmith is never early but even he should be here by now. In short, this dinner is turning into a shambles.
(He shouts loudly.)
Mr Thrale, Sir.
(Henry Thrale enters. He is clearly the host but he good-naturedly lets Johnson do most of the talking.)
With your permission, Sir, we will begin.
(Hester Thrale enters hurriedly.)
HESTER THRALE Am I late?
JOHNSON Not at all, Madam. Good evening to you. But I was just saying to your husband that as everyone else is late, we might as well begin.
HESTER THRALE Of course, Sir.
(They sit around the table, leaving empty chairs for the guests who are still to arrive. As they are sorting out places, Johnson speaks to Mrs Thrale in his whisper, which resembles a shout.)
JOHNSON Look at Boswell. He is famished. He could eat an ox. They don’t feed him much in Scotland and so like a camel he fills himself up where he can. This is a real outing for him, you know. He’ll talk of nothing else for the next week!
BOSWELL It is a great pity that all your guests could not attend this evening, Madam. Now I cannot tell everyone that I dined at the Thrales with Burke, Reynolds and Goldsmith!
JOHNSON Forget yourself, Sir. Your sentences always start with ‘I’. You suffer from ‘Boswellitis’. Anyway, you can still say, ‘I was lucky enough to dine with Mr and Mrs Thrale and with Johnson.’ There’s nothing much wrong with that! We (looking at the Thrales) are the cream of the company! Or you could say…
HENRY THRALE (Receiving a note from the servant) Excuse me, Dr Johnson. A note from Reynolds. He regrets very much that he cannot come tonight.
JOHNSON Then remove his chair. I cannot abide empty chairs.
(Mr Thrale nods to a servant, who then takes away Reynolds’ chair.)
(Johnson turns to Boswell.)
Or you could say, ‘I was invited to dine at Streatham Park, the house of Mr and Mrs Thrale, with Reynolds, Burke and Goldsmith.’ They were invited even though they did not come! That would create the impression you are looking for. The impression is what counts today, I am afraid. People love to puff themselves up. In fact, Bozzy, you are often guilty of it yourself.
BOSWELL Well perhaps those with real ability never need to blow their own trumpet, I don’t know. But those with half a talent, or less, like me, we need to bombast a bit to cover up what is missing!
(He offers Johnson some wine.)
JOHNSON No, not tonight, Bozzy.
BOSWELL Oh, just a little, Sir.
JOHNSON (A little angry) I cannot take ‘just a little’ so I shall take none.
HESTER THRALE Are you against wine drinking then, Sir?
JOHNSON Not at all, Madam. Quite the contrary. Wine may do some evil, but it does a lot of good. It makes people friendlier to each other, and that is no bad thing. But for me abstinence is easier than temperance.
(While Johnson is speaking, the servant brings another note to Henry Thrale.)
HENRY THRALE Excuse me, Dr Johnson. A note from Burke. He regrets that he is held up in Parliament and doubts whether he will be able to come.
JOHNSON Then remove his chair. (The servant does so.) Today I will not drink, but I have drunk nobly in the past. I have drunk two bottles of port at a sitting. Go to Oxford and ask them at University College.
HENRY THRALE But do you approve of a man drinking on his own, Sir? Drinking is surely a social pastime.
JOHNSON I have often drunk on my own, and very often when I was young. At that time my own company was the worst I could have. (Cheering up) Give me your company, Bozzy, and yours, my good lady! Ha! Many men enjoy their best friendships when they are young, and then they finish old and lonely and irritable. But in my case I have kept the best wine until last! (The servant brings Henry Thrale another note.)
HENRY THRALE One moment, Dr Johnson. A note from Goldsmith.
JOHNSON Goldsmith! Since when has Goldsmith been in the habit of sending notes? He must be drinking with Reynolds and Burke, and he is copying them!
HENRY THRALE He hopes, he says, to be with us later.
BOSWELL Sir Joshua is no doubt putting the finishing touches to the portrait of some peer of the realm. Burke is probably at this moment embarking on one of the finest speeches ever delivered in the House of Commons.
JOHNSON (To Hester Thrale) You should hear a speech by Burke, Madam. It does one good to hear the English language used by someone who knows how to use it.
BOSWELL But Goldsmith! What can Goldsmith have to do?
JOHNSON (Angrily) When you have written as well as Oliver Goldsmith has, Sir, and when your works have given as much pleasure to people as his have done, and when you have lived through half the troubles that he has lived through, then you will have some right to talk on the subject. Oliver Goldsmith is a fine man.
(A servant brings in an enormous serving dish with a suckling pig with an apple in its mouth.)
JOHNSON Well, well. This a feast for the captains and the kings!
HESTER THRALE (Apologetically) We were to have been nine, you know.
(As the servant goes, Johnson shouts after him.)
JOHNSON Mr Goldsmith’s chair, if you please, Sir.
HESTER THRALE (To the servant) Could you take away this chair, please.
HENRY THRALE I was going into the brewery at Southwark this morning and I passed a group of beggars by the roadside. Three men and two women. I stopped and I gave them a few shillings. I did my day’s work and on my way back they were all sitting in the same spot and they were all drinking. As it was my beer they were enjoying, I said nothing. In fact, I gave them some more money. But the money they spent on my beer could have been better used.
JOHNSON Sir, you provide them with the temptation of drink and then criticise them for drinking. Why criticise a poor man who eases the pain of life with a pint of beer? You like your beer, Sir, and your life is easy. Imagine theirs. They have more right to a glass of beer to sweeten their miserable existence than you or I. Have the poor no right to any pleasures?
BOSWELL But it is wrong to spend so much on beer.
JOHNSON If you were poor, you would not talk of right or wrong. Morals are superfluous when you are battling for existence.
HESTER THRALE You are lenient, Sir.
JOHNSON I am practical, Madam.
(He looks defiantly at Boswell)
A decent provision for the poor is the true test of civilization. That is what the greatness of any country should be judged on; the life of its poor not the life of its rich.
(He turns to Boswell)
Don’t you agree, Bozzy?
BOSWELL (Hurriedly) Oh, yes, I do. Wholeheartedly.
JOHNSON Good. Now, can we be less extended? This is like talking to a meeting.
(They all stand and, moving their chairs, sit together at one end of the table.)
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