The woman who was jealous of herself 3

Wednesday evening.  James’ flat in Clifton. 

James is nervously pacing up and down the dining room and looks worriedly from time to time at the front door.  He is holding the DVD in his hand. Finally the doorbell rings.

James:         Now keep calm, keep calm.  That’ll be her!  Two deep breaths!   No, better take three.   Now concentrate, James, concentrate!

(He goes towards the door and with a final burst of courage, steps resolutely forward and opens it.)

Ah, Magdalena, how lovely!  Very good of you to come. Difficult to park, was it?

Magdalena:           No, I parked right outside your entrance!  No problem at all.  It was so good of you to ask me over here.

James:         Yes, well.  Here is the DVD.  (He hands it to her, and moves towards the front door)

Magdalena: Thank you so much!  I’m dying for a cup of tea.  I haven’t stopped all day. 

James:         Tea!  Dying!  Oh yes, I’ll go and make you some!  Yes, that’s what I’ll do.  I won’t be a minute!  Make yourself at home!

James goes into the kitchen.  Magdalena sees his computer which is on the table. She touches the screen and a page of chat appears. Magdalena quickly checks that James is busy in the kitchen and starts to read.

Magdalena: Wow!  It’s one of those getting to know you chatrooms.  Who’s in it?  Alex.  That must be James!  He is Alex! (She quickly finds her mobile and takes a photo of the screen.)  I need the address, and everything is fair in love and war!

Magdalena puts away her mobile and stands in front of the screen as James comes in with two mugs of tea. 
 

James:         Would you like ‘A Hard Day’s Night’ or ‘Hey Jude’?

Magdalena: Pardon? ‘A Hard Day’s Night’?

James:         Yes.  These are Beatles mugs, you see. I have the whole set.

Magdalena: Right. In that case I’ll have ‘A Hard Day’s Night’.  Much more interesting!

James checks which is which and hands her the mug of tea. As he walks around the room she moves to hide the computer which is still on.

James:         Here you are.

Magdalena: Thank you Al.., I mean, thank you James.

James:         Pardon.  Oh, that’s alright! Do you take sugar?

Magdalena:           No thanks, never.

James:         But you took sugar in Starbucks.

Magdalena: That was in coffee. And it was in the morning.

James:         And this is tea and it is in the evening.

Magdalena: Which is different.

James:         Oh yes, absolutely.  All the difference in the world!  No comparison at all!  Chalk and cheese!  Where was I?

Magdalena: I think you were just about to drink your tea.

James:         Ah yes. (He takes a long sip, looking at Magdalena over the rim of the cup.)

Magdalena: (Looking round the room.)  It’s good to see people in their natural habitat, isn’t it!  This isn’t bad at all!  Quite surprising!

James:         I can’t claim any merit for it.  I just arrived last week, walked in and it was like this.  It was already furnished!  Splendid view too.  You can see the towers of the Suspension Bridge.

Magdalena: (As he walks towards the window to show her the view, she closes the computer without James seeing her.)
It's a very beautiful bridge!  I'd like to walk over it.  Wouldn't you?
James:  But you can see it much better from here, you know. 
Magdalena:  But I would like to go and look down at the river so far beneath.  
James: (Worriedly)  Would you?
Magdalena:  Yes, I would.  But I a afraid to go on my own.
James:  You!  Afraid!  I mean, yes, it is very high.  (Reluctantly) Would you like me to go with you.
Magdalena: Oh, lovely!  What a surprise!  It would never have occurred to me to ask you!  Next eek?  Sunday? At 3 in the afternoon?
James:  Well, yes
Magdalena:  Good. That's it then. Right.  I must go.  A very pleasant cup of tea, James.  Now, I must get on my computer.  I have a lot to do.  I have a ‘A Hard Day’s Night’ ahead of me!

James:         Ah work, is it?

Magdalena: Well, you could call it that.  Goodbye!

James:         Goodbye. 

Thursday evening.  Magdalena’s house. 

  

Magdalena: Ana, I have loads to tell you.  You just won’t believe it!

Ana:  Try me!

Magdalena: I am April now!

Ana:  Say that again.

Magdalena: That’s what I’m called. The name I’m going by! My alias!

Ana:  Your what?

Magdalena: I am in one of these online chats, and there my name is April, and I’ve been carrying on a flirtation with Alex.  In the chat!

Ana:  You’ve been doing what?

Magdalena: Getting on very well with Alex, who is, by the way, a great chatter.

And who is this Alex? I hear you ask.

Ana:  No, you don’t, but do go on.  I can see you are desperate to tell me!

Magdalena: It’s James!

Ana:  It can’t be!  James?  Anyway, how do you know it’s James if you all have (pauses, and then slowly) “aliases”?

Magdalena: I looked at his computer.

Ana: What?

Magdalena: Yesterday evening when  I went to pick up the DVD.  Well, he went off to make some tea, and I happened to see his computer on and saw the chat, and he was Alex.

Ana:  How could you stoop so low!  Nobody should look at anyone else’s computer just as no man should ever look in a woman’s handbag.  It’s just not done!

Magdalena: Sometimes it has to be done.  All’s fair in love and war!

Ana:  Yes, I keep hearing that, and the more I hear it, the less convinced I am that it’s true.  If James ever looks in your handbag, which I am sure he won't, don't come running to me! 
Magdalena:  He would never do that!
Ana:  No, he wouldn't because he is a nice person! Much nicer than ...!
Magdalena:   ...me?
Ana:  I was going to say, 'than some people I know'. But if the cap fits... Anyway, you and Alex are getting on very well, are you?  Virtually, I mean.

Magdalena: Yes, but it’s more than virtual.  I have persuaded him to meet me tomorrow evening. We have a date. 

Ana:  But he’ll recognise you straightaway!

Magdalena: In my long blonde wig? (She produces the wig and holds it up.)

Ana:  No!

Magdalena: And my scarlet T shirt!  (Ana shakes her head) My tight scarlet T shirt! (She holds it up.)

Ana:  Your what?

Magdalena: And my green mini-skirt! With long blue socks and purple trainers!   (She shows Ana the mini-skirt, socks and trainers.)

Ana:  Is that all?
Magdalena:   Yes, that's all.  Is it enough?
Ana:  Of course it is enough.  He'll never recognize you!  I would never recognize you!
You must send me a selfie!

Magdalena:  Anyway, he has never really looked at me all the times we’ve been together. Even if I dressed normally, he wouldn't recognize me! And that’s annoying!  And even if he did find out who I was, it wouldn’t be a bad thing.

Ana:  It would give him a terrible shock.

Magdalena: That’s just what he needs!

Ana:  Well, I still don’t think it’s a good idea.  Where are you going to meet him?

Magdalena: At that new place in Welsh Back by the river.  Falsetto’s, it’s called.

Ana:  Good luck then, but you’re playing with fire.
Magdalena:  I hope so!  We'll see!