The woman who was jealous of herself 9 Four phone calls

Four phone calls.

Magdalena:      Come on, Ana.  Answer it!  Answer it!
Ana: Hi there.
Magdalena:   Good! Ana, listen. I have a cunning plan.  It’s the only way to sort all this out!

Ana:       Sort all what out?

Magdalena:      James and me of course.  April has disappeared, by the way. She’s gone. 

Ana:       Thank goodness for that!  Not before time, either! She will not be missed! 
Magdalena:  I will miss her!
Ana:  That doesn't matter.
Magdalena:  And Alex will miss her!
Ana: Alex doesn't matter either. So what now?

Magdalena: Can you phone Henry and ask him to give a message to James.

Ana:       A message from you?

Magdalena: A message from me, yes, but James must never know that!  He must think it’s all Henry’s idea.

Ana:       I’ll do what I can.  So what is this message from you that is Henry’s idea?

Magdalena:      Well, James must hire a car, an impressive car, and ask me out to a restaurant, a good restaurant, in Bristol.  OK? Then when he does that, I will so impressed by the car and the restaurant and the meal that I will be very happy, and James will be very happy and that’s it!  All misunderstandings resolved! All done and dusted!

Ana:       I always have misgivings about your cunning plans!  But I’ll do my best!

Magdalena:      OK.  Phone Henry!  Now please, Ana!

Ana:       As I say, I’ll do my best!  And as I also said, I have misgivings! Bye!

Ana phones Henry.  

Ana:       Come on, answer it Henry!  Where are you? Ah good. Henry, I’ve just had an idea. It’s to help out Magdalena and James.

Henry:    Best not to interfere, Ana.  Very tricky!

Ana:       Well, they are not getting anywhere by themselves. They need a push, a gentle push. Look, it’s very simple. Just phone James and ask him to take Magdalena out.

Henry:    Take her out?

Ana:       Yes, he must hire a really good car, a Jaguar.  Then he must take her to the Bristol Hotel on the waterfront for a meal.  You know, something special!

Henry:    It may work!

Ana:       And this is your idea, not mine!

Henry:    My idea!

Ana:       Yes, he’ll listen to you! So phone James.  Now, please, Henry! 
Henry:  OK.  OK.
Ana:  Right!  I've done my best.

Henry phones James.

   

Henry:    Come on, answer it, James!  Where are you?  Ah good.  James, I’ve had an idea.

James:    You have?

Henry:    Yes.  I have the answer, the key, the solution.  All your troubles are over! You have to make a direct advance. 

James:    An advance on what?

Henry:    On who, you mean.  On Magdalena.  All you have to do is hire a Ferrari, a red Ferrari is best, and invite her out to the best hotel in Bristol for a dinner she’ll never forget!

James:    Just that!  A Ferrari and a dinner!  That sounds like an expensive key or solution or whatever.

Henry:    Trust me, James. This is the way forward.  I have never let you down yet, have I?

James:    Well, there have been one or two…

Henry:    But trust me on this.  You have to make the most of yourself!   Now, if you had a Ferrari, a red Ferrari, you could sweep girls off their feet.

James:    I don’t know whether I want to sweep girls off their feet.

Henry:    Well, you will sweep Magdalena off her feet!

James:    I’m not sure you’re putting it the right way. All this sweeping! And feet! Anyway, I’ll think about it!

Henry:    That’s just it!  Don’t think!  Thinking gets you nowhere! 'the native hue of resolution is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought' Macbeth is it?
James:  I think it's Hamlet but I'm not sure.  Magdalena would know.
Henry:  Well that doesn't matter.  Buy, borrow or steal a Ferrai and ask Magdalena out.  Faint heart never won...
James:  I know. I know.
Henry:  So just do it! Next Saturday. Now, you’ve got a couple of days so you can improve on the plan.  Elaborate it a bit and then Saturday is D-Day.

James:    Well…

Henry:    No wells, no buts.  Upwards and onwards and all that! You owe me one! When it succeeds, you know who to thank!

James:    And if it fails, I’ll know who to blame!

Henry:    On Saturday, then.  And don’t let me down!

James:    OK, I’ll do it! Saturday, did you say?

Henry:    Yes, Saturday.

James:    This Saturday?

Henry:    This Saturday.

James:    OK.  It’s on. Operation Ferrari. Bye.

Henry:    Phone me on Sunday!  Bye.

Early Sunday morning. Magdalena phones Ana.

Ana:  Do you know what time it is?  It's Sunday morning, my only day for a lie-in!  You can't...
Magdalena:      Listen!  It happened, Ana!

Ana:       What happened ?

Magdalena:      He turned up in a very nice car and we had a pleasant meal.

Ana: In the Bristol Hotel?

Magdalena:      Well, not exactly.  Things never work out quite as you plan them, do they!  For a start, it wasn’t James who picked me up in the car, it was Alex!

Ana:       Alex?

Magdalena:      I had just finished my last lecture and was coming out of the faculty building, loaded with books, and then it started to rain. I was thinking about a taxi, and you know when it’s raining, it’s impossible to find one.  Anyway I was thinking about a taxi when this red Ferrari stopped by me, and James leaned over and asked me to get in. Well, it took me about half a second to see that it was James. He wore dark glasses nearly all the time we were together, and wore his Alex gear, and talked like Alex, but there we are.  You can’t have everything.

Ana:       And?

Magdalena: The car wasn’t just a nice car, it was a red Ferrari!  It must have cost him half a month’s salary, even just for a day! 

Ana:       Are you worth half a month’s salary, just for a day?

Magdalena:      I’m beginning to wonder!

Ana:       And the meal?

Magdalena:      And the meal.  I couldn’t let him spend the other half of his salary on the meal so I insisted on buying some sandwiches and a couple of cans of Thatcher’s cider.

Ana:       Not quite the posh meal I had in mind.

Magdalena:      No, it was much better than that! Anyway, as I was saying, I got in, sat back in the seat, closed my eyes, and felt great! The car was warm. It felt so good! And a minute before I had been struggling with the wind and the rain in Park Street!  Then we cruised down the M5 to Clevedon and parked on the sea front, you know the place, above the stony beach and looking across the Channel to Wales.  Then we walked to the end of the pier in that Bristol Channel breeze, you know how that is, the wind from the sea that wakes you up and makes you sleepy at the same time, and then we went back along the sea front and up that path with the old church on one side and the cliff and the sea on the other. It’s called Poets’ Walk, I think.  Some connection with Coleridge or someone.  Near the church we sat on a bench and had our sandwiches and cider.  Nothing I ever had before has tasted better. And together we looked across the wind-swept sea to the hills of Wales cloaked in the distant mist.  Nothing I ever saw before has looked prettier!  Never before have I ...

Ana:       Never mind the poetry.  What did you do next?

Magdalena:      We went back to his Ferrari, a red Ferrari...
Ana:  Never mind the colour. 
Magdalena:  And I snuggled down in the cushioned seat and then we drove back to Bristol and he took me home.  My father was at the door.

Ana:       Your father?  He saw you?

Magdalena:  Yes, but he never notices anything so don’t worry about him.  So, a successful day, wasn’t it!  

Ana:       Well, not really. You have had a windy walk by the sea with James who was pretending to be someone else.

Magdalena:      Pretending? Oh, that’s a mere detail!  We’ll sort that out!  You worry about things too much!

Ana:       And you don’t worry about things enough! Bye!

Magdalena:      It will all be fine!  I have never let you down yet, have I?
Ana:  Well, there have been one or...
Magdalena:  Come on!  Trust me! Bye!