The woman who was jealous of herself 14

Wednesday evening.  At the house of Magdalena’s parents

Vivienne and Harold are in the dining room.  The table is set for a meal.

Vivienne:    Right, Harold. Let me tell you again who is coming tonight.  I don’t want you to put your foot in it.

Harold:       Right. Fire away!

Vivienne:    We are going to be six altogether.  I was going to ask that April person, you know, the girl that we saw James with in the restaurant that time. But apparently she’s gone.

Harold:       Where’s she gone?

Vivienne:    I don’t know, Harold.  Nobody knows and I can’t see that it matters.  She’s just gone!  She’s left!  She’s out of the picture!

Harold:       I see.  And what about that man in the marvellous car?

Vivienne:    What marvellous car? 

Harold:       The red Ferrari, of course.  Never seen a car like it!  I’m afraid Magdalena was very keen on him. Well, keen on him or on the car, I was never quite sure which.  Is he coming?

Vivienne:    No, of course he isn’t.

Harold:       So he’s gone too?

Vivienne:    Yes, he’s gone too.  And don’t ask me where.

Harold:       Right!

Vivienne:    So the table is set for six.  Perhaps you could go and get two more chairs, Harold.

Harold:       Right away.  Two more chairs.

He leaves.

Magdalena comes in.

Vivienne:    April has gone for good, hasn’t she?

Magdalena: Oh yes. She’s gone.   She went off in the rubbish yesterday morning.  She’ll be in some landfill by now.  Or at least, the yellow wig will be!

Vivienne:    And that’s the best place for it. I don’t know why you kept her alive so long.  I really don't!

Magdalena: Don’t you start! I’ve had enough listening to myself!   

Vivienne:    Well, if you had listened to me in the first place!  Anyway, James and you are happy?

Magdalena: We are the happiest couple since the world began!

Vivienne:    Ah. So you are at that stage, are you!  Long may it last!

Magdalena: Yes, long may it last!

Vivienne:    Well.  I have to attend to things in the kitchen.  If you are as much in love as you say you are, you will be no earthly use in practical matters like getting a meal ready.  No use at all!  Now, where are those chairs?

She leaves.

Harold comes in carrying a chair.

Harold:       You look happy!

Magdalena: Yes, I am.  Very happy.  James will be here soon!

Harold:       Good.  Good.  But, Magdalena, I don’t want to pry, no business of mine, of course, but weren’t you awfully taken with the man in the red Ferrari?  The other night, you know?

Magdalena: He has gone, father. He has gone. 

Harold:       With the car, I suppose.   

Magdalena: Yes, with the car.  I have James now.

Harold:       That’s good!  A pity about the car, though! A marvel it was.  I wish I could have driven it, even just once!  Perhaps in my next life.  I’m beginning to feel I have to rely on that now for so many things! Oh dear! Anyway, you can’t have your penny and your bun, I suppose.  Now you have James but you don’t have a Ferrari. By the way, what car does James drive?  A Porsche perhaps?

Magdalena: At the moment he rides a bicycle.

Harold:       Oh really?  A bicycle? Well, he’ll have to get a tandem now, won’t he!

“You will look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle made for two!"

No just joking!  Now, I have to get another chair. Can’t remember how many she wanted.

Magdalena: I should just bring one more.

Harold:       Just one? You're sure?  Right. I thought it was two, but never mind.  I’ll get one!

(He leaves, singing.)

“Daisy, Daisy tell me your answer do,

I’m half crazy, all for the love of you…”

Ana arrives.

  

Ana:  I’m not late, am I?

Magdalena:           Not at all.  Very good timing!  By the way, how are you getting on with Henry?  I thought I saw a spark or a glimmer of something there!

Ana:  Oh, he’s awfully slow!  Slow but sure, I think. But there is light at the end of the tunnel!  I think!

Magdalena: It’s a long way off?

Ana:  Yes, it feels like the Eurotunnel!  But, we shall see!

They leave together.

James and Henry arrive.

James:         By the way, how are you getting on with Ana?  I thought I saw a spark… well, something or other between you!

Henry:        Very slowly.  It’s a case of slow but sure, I think.  It’s difficult to say.  She doesn’t give much encouragement.

James:         But you have to encourage yourself!  That’s how things are!  Get on with it.  Start now! No time like the present!

Henry:        That’s rich!  Coming from you!

Magdalena comes in.

Magdalena: Ah, James.  Good.

James:         Here we are then. Ready for action.

Magdalena: Good.  Hello, Henry.  I think Ana is in there.

James:         (To Henry) Well, go on then!

Henry:        Ah yes.  No time like the present!

James:         Yes, that’s it.  Strike while the iron is hot! Make hay while the sun shines! Off you go.

Henry leaves.

He’s awfully shy! I just can’t understand it!

Magdalena:           Well really!  I seem to remember…  No, perhaps not.  I don’t remember anything!  Now, did you ever read that play I recommended?

James:         Which one was that?

Magdalena: The one by Tirso de Molina.  'La celosa de sí misma'.

James:         Oh that one.  The dessert with coffee.  No, I never did find the time.  Was it important?

Magdalena: Well, it might have helped you understand one or two things. But never mind.  Things have sorted themselves out anyway.  Luckily!

James:         That reminds me, I have just booked a flight for us.

Magdalena: A flight? Where to?

James:         To Madrid, of course.

Magdalena: To Madrid?

James:         And from Madrid it’s only two hours’ drive to Almazan. I said I’d take you there.  You said you wanted to see where Tirso de Molina lived.

Magdalena: Yes, I do!  I’ll enjoy that. But I’d better get a Spanish phrase book.

James:         A phrase book?

Magdalena: Yes, a phrase book!  For you!

James:         Oh, I already have one.  Fully interactive, connected 24 hours a day!

Magdalena: Oh?

James:         Tu misma! (He points at her)

Magdalena: Wow!  No está mal! Not bad! Not bad at all!

Harold comes in with Vivienne. He is carrying a chair which he leaves some way from the table.  Then Henry and Ana arrive, and Vivienne organizes the seating.

Vivienne:  Now where is everyone going to sit?  You here, Harold, at the head of the table. James over there. Harold, you didn’t get enough chairs.  

Harold:       Yes, I brought that one.

Vivienne:    Ah. (James gets up and brings it over.)    Thank you James. That will do nicely.  Henry, could you open this bottle of champagne. (He opens it, pours some into the six glasses and hands them round.)  And as April has gone, Magdalena will have to sit here in her place, which is here. 

Magdalena. You see the two of us can’t be here at the same time.

Harold:  You mean you can’t abide the sight of each other. 

Magdalena: Well yes, something like that.  In fact, April has gone for good and we’ll never see her again. Will we, James. 

James:  No never. Oh, and the man in the red Ferrari has gone too.

Magdalena: In fact April has gone off with the man in the red Ferrari!

Harold:       Well, I never.  That’s killing two birds with one stone!

Magdalena: Yes, they seemed to fancy each other!  They have gone off together, driving into the sunset.

Harold:       In a red Ferrari. Well, I never!

Vivienne:    I’ll explain it all to you later, Harold dear.  Now I propose a toast.  (She raises her glass) To Magdalena and James!  A long life together and may you each be completely (looks at Magdalena, and emphasizes each word) frank, open and honest with each other! Magdalena!

All:    (Raising their glasses)  Frank, open and honest!

Magdalena: But, of course!

Harold, Vivienne, Henry and Ana: (Raising their glasses again.) To Magdalena and James!

Harold to Vivienne, taking her to one side: Now there are one or two things I didn’t quite follow in all this. 

Vivienne:    Yes, I’ll tell you later. 

Harold:       Don’t bother.  It’s often better not to understand everything! (Raising his glass) Here’s to you, my dear!

Vivienne:    (Raising her glass.) To us, Harold.  May they be as happy as we have been!

Harold:       To us!

In the three couples, each person toasts their partner.

All:    Cheers!

Finally, all turn to the front and raise their glasses.

All:    Cheers!

The End