Three Hours from Spain 4

Tuesday afternoon       Dickens’ House

Carmen, Ana and Maria

CARMEN:  Here we are!  Doughty Street.  I said it wasn’t that far!  Now, Dickens’ House is number 48.

MARIA:     You should be very grateful to Ana and me for coming with you. This is the last writer’s house I’m going to visit.  Next time you go to somebody’s house, I’m going shopping.

CARMEN:  And you should be grateful to me for taking you to such interesting places and elevating you with a little culture.  Now, today’s quiz.  Question 1. What did Dickens write?

MARIA:     What did Dickens write?

CARMEN:  Yes, what did he write?  Give me the name of one of his novels.

MARIA:     It’s on the tip of my tongue!  Yes, I’ve got it! It was the Quijote, wasn’t it?

CARMEN:  (In disgust) Brilliant! Ana, something sensible please!

ANA:           “A Christmas Carol”.  It was on TV last Christmas.

CARMEN:  It’s on TV every Christmas! And there are far worse things on TV at Christmas!  It’s not really a novel.  It’s more a short story.  Ana, half a point! Un demi point!

MARIA:     OK, I know one too. “Oliver Twist!”  I saw the film.  Polanski, I think it was.

CARMEN:  Yes, we saw it together.   “Please, Sir, can I have some more?”

MARIA:     “Please, Sir, can I have some more?”  Who said that?

CARMEN:  That’s what Oliver said in the workhouse, when he was hungry.

ANA:           And then what happened to him?  They gave him a big plateful of stew?

CARMEN:  This is Dickens!  No, he was expelled from the workhouse and then he was apprenticed to a coffin maker.

MARIA:     That’s not very cheerful!

CARMEN:  Life wasn’t very cheerful in the 19^th century when you were poor. Anyway, any more books by Dickens?

MARIA:     I can’t think of any. I’ve run out of films!

ANA: Nor me!

CARMEN:  “David Copperfield”, “Pickwick Papers”, “Great Expectations”.

MARIA:     “Great Expectations”.  That is a film, I think.  I’d forgotten it! What’s it about?

CARMEN:  It’s about a mad old woman called Miss Havisham, who was abandoned on her wedding day.  The man she was supposed to marry never turned up.  Years later she still wore the wedding dress, and all the wedding food for the banquet was still on the table, where the rats came and ate it!

MARIA:  You see!  Another reason for not having a boyfriend and for not getting married!

ANA:          Rats! That’s horrible!

MARIA:     Here we are.  Number 48.  The Dickens House Museum.

CARMEN:  Right!  In we go!

They go in and start looking round the rooms.

CARMEN:  Look, here’s Dickens’ desk and his chair.

MARIA:     And here’s a painting of him when he was young.  He wasn’t bad looking then.  Not quite Hugh Grant, but not bad!  Of course, with paintings you never know.  Perhaps the artist was kind.

ANA:          Photos are different.  The camera never lies!

MARIA:     Rubbish!  Look at Photoshop!  It’s the kind artist of today! Wrinkles, the gift of time, vanish at a touch!

CARMEN:  ‘The gift of time!’ You’re very literary today Maria.  It must be the influence of the house.  Look!  This is the desk Dickens designed for his reading tours.  He loved giving public readings of his books.  He liked acting out all the characters.    

ANA:           Here’s some information about handling sessions.  What on earth are they?

CARMEN:  Yes, handling sessions.  They’re interesting.  There are times when you can actually touch and use some of Dickens’ things.  You can  write with his original quill pen.  But you have to book up ahead for this.  It’s a pity we haven’t got time.

ANA:           OK.  We’ll do it next time we’re in London.  I’ll start making a list of things we have to do on our next visit.

MARIA:     Come on! That’s enough of Dickens! Seen it, done it, and there isn’t a T shirt in sight!  What’s next?

CARMEN:  But I’ve only just started! I need another hour at least! The British Museum is a short walk away, and it’s open until 5.30. I’ll catch up with you there.

MARIA:     Well OK.  I suppose we can’t come to London and not visit the British Museum.  But this is the last museum I’m doing this holiday!  And let’s get a coke first.  Museums give you a terrible thirst.

ANA:   OK Maria, we’ll leave Carmen with Dickens.  Carmen, we’ll meet you in the café of the British Museum. There’s bound to be a café there somewhere.

CARMEN:  OK, I’ll catch you up. I also need five minutes in the shop.  I want to get some postcards of Dickens’ characters and a poster.  Just five minutes.

MARIA:     So that’s an hour and five minutes! And what’s she going to do with all these postcards?

The British Museum

Carmen, Ana and Maria

They meet up again, as planned, among the crowds in the café of the British Museum.

MARIA:     Here’s Carmen, loaded down with Dickens postcards, no doubt.

CARMEN:  Hi.  Back again!

ANA:           How much does it cost to get in here?

CARMEN:  It’s free, free as air.  That’s one of the marvellous things about London!  If you were in Madrid, Maria, you’d be getting out your purse right now.

MARIA:     If I were in Madrid, I’d still be at lunch. I’d be finishing my cortadito!  In the sun! Hey, look at this roof.  Look at all that glass!

CARMEN:  Isn’t it fantastic? This is the Great Court.  It was finished in 2000 and opened by the Queen.  It’s the biggest covered square in Europe.

MARIA:     At least it will keep the rain out!  They should put a glass dome over the whole of London! What’s that building in the middle?

CARMEN:  That’s the Reading Room.  Karl Marx used to come here, when he was writing Das Kapital.

MARIA:     You know everything!

CARMEN:  I found it all on the internet last night!

ANA:           Well, we’ve done some homework too!  Last night Maria and I were up till one o’clock looking at the British Museum website! I’d like to see the Rosetta Stone.

MARIA:     And I want to see the Parthenon sculptures.

CARMEN:  And I’m going to Roman Britain.  So let’s split up.

MARIA:     Roman Britain?  Don’t tell me the Romans reached here!  They got to this uncivilised place?

CARMEN:  Of course they did.  This was Londinium!  They got as far as Scotland, and then they built Hadrian’s Wall to keep the Scots out and the English in.

MARIA:     I bet the soldiers hated being sent there!  Hadrian’s Wall!  Imagine the freezing cold and the snow in the winter!

ANA:           And Roman soldiers only had sandals!  I bought some last year when they were in fashion.

MARIA:     So it took 2000 years for centurion sandals to become fashionable for women and then they were only popular for 18 months and then suddenly we didn’t wear them anymore! La donna e mobile!  And no soap and water!  Italian is permitted!

She sings:

La donna è mobile

CARMEN:  For heaven’s sake, Maria.  We are in the British Museum!

MARIA:     (Slightly, but not a lot, more quietly.)
La donna è mobile

Qual piuma al vento,
Muta d'accento — e di pensiero.
Sempre un amabile,
Leggiadro viso,
In pianto o in riso, — è menzognero.

Verdi got it right, didn’t he!  It hits you right there!   

ANA:          Maria, have you been drinking?

MARIA:     Well, I did have two cups of tea this morning.  It must be that! Anyway, when a soldier did something terribly wrong, such as wearing socks with his sandals, the centurion would say “OK, it’s either one year in prison in Rome or one week on Hadrian’s Wall”.  And the answer was always “Prison, please!  A year’s prison in Rome! Two years’ prison in Rome!  Life imprisonment if you like, as long as it’s in Rome!  Anything but Hadrian’s Wall!”

ANA:           Carmen, what are you looking for?

CARMEN:  I’ve found the translation.

MARIA:     What translation?

CARMEN:  What you were singing just now.  Listen.

“A woman is flighty.

Like a feather in the wind.

She changes her voice and she changes her mind

Though her face is always sweet and pretty.

Whether crying or laughing she is always lying!”

“è menzognero”

Wow, that’s pretty strong, isn’t it!  And yet the music is so beautiful. But the words! Hardly PC.

ANA:           What’s PC? Personal computer?

CARMEN:  Politically correct.

MARIA:     That’s when you say something you don’t believe, because if you said what you do believe, people would jump on you.

“Whether crying or laughing she is always lying!” That is bad.  In English they’d never allow that! You can only get away with that in Italian!

ANA:           And as long as it’s sung, not said!  It is a bit harsh! Perhaps it’s just talking about Italian women.

CARMEN:  It goes on.  Listen:

“The man who trusts a woman,

Who risks entrusting his heart,

Is always miserable.”

MARIA:  I never sang that bit, Carmen.  But go on, now let’s have the last part!

CARMEN:  “Yet unhappy is the man who on that breast does not drink love!”

MARIA:     That’s the bit! You see. We always have the upper hand in the end!  We are indispensable! “Unhappy is the man who on that breast does not drink love!”

ANA:           Anyway, forget men, unhappy or otherwise!  I want to see the Rosetta Stone.  What a beautiful name for a piece of rock! Rosetta Stone! It could be the name of a girl in a James Bond film, couldn’t it!  “Rosetta Stone”!

CARMEN:  OK. You get off to your Rosetta Stone! And Maria, you go to the Parthenon! We can meet up again in an hour.

MARIA:     Where?

CARMEN:  In the shop. Then if one of us is late, it won’t matter. 

MARIA:     No!  No more museum shops!  Let’s meet in the café! By that time I’ll need another coke!

They each managed to find what they wanted to see, and so after scrutinizing the Rosetta Stone, the Parthenon Marbles and the remains of Roman England, they met up again in the café in the Great Court.  They were all exhausted. Museums can be very tiring places, especially when you do three in one day!

CARMEN:  That was really worth it, but you need a week here.

MARIA:     The ideal thing would be a tour of the whole place.

ANA:           That would take several weeks!

MARIA:     No, I mean a tour of just the important things.

CARMEN:  There are highlights Tours.  You see the 50 most interesting things.

MARIA:     That’s what I mean.

ANA:           We should have done one of those.

CARMEN:  I’m afraid you have to book ahead.  We should have planned this trip a bit better!  Never mind! It’s another thing for our next visit.  This time next year would be good. Next year in London! Ana! 

ANA:           I know!  It goes on the list!  Now, our hotel’s quite near.  What about going back there for half an hour and then out again for something to eat.  Tonight we’ll have a change from Tikka Masala!

They walk slowly back to the hotel, wandering in that pleasant way that visitors to a big city have when they are not pressed for time, and when they notice the little things of a city, things that are ordinary to people who live there and exciting for those who have not been there before. You should take photos of those things when you arrive because after a day or so they will become familiar to you, and you will no longer give them any importance.

Maria has a pleasant surprise when they ask for their keys in reception. Her case had arrived and was waiting for her in her room.

She felt that life was worth living once more.

MARIA:     My case!  Look, it’s come!  My clothes at last!

CARMEN:  Well that’s good.  I said it would turn up. Now you can stop complaining and you can really enjoy London.

ANA:           Yes, you’ve got all your clothes so everything is alright!

MARIA:     Yes, I’m happy!  I’ve got my case, we’ve finished with writers’ houses and tomorrow we’re going to Harrods! What more could I want!

(Sings)

La donna è mobile
Qual piuma al vento!